Jodah Veloper

Jodah Veloper® is what great development departments are made of. He spends his days in a caffeine-fueled frenzy, writing beautiful lines of properly indented code and engaging in heated debates over whether or not to run Workbench in Vi emulation mode. In the evenings and on weekends, Jodah passes the time reading Reddit, writing mods for Minecraft on a PC he built himself, and eating Thai takeout (the hotter the better). His girlfriend of six years would like to get engaged soon, but he doesn’t want to rush things.

Jodah has an epic collection of t-shirts, yet he can’t remember the last time he actually paid for one. His Pi Day celebrations are legendary. After the Synergy DevPartner Conference, his plan for summer is to attend Comic-Con dressed as the Tenth Doctor. He stores his vinyl record collection in milk crates, between his Einstein Chia Pet and the Science Olympiad trophy he won in high school. He’s seen The Fellowship of the Ring 42 times. In Jodah’s world there are 10 types of people: Those who understand binary, and those who don’t.

Bigbah Smann

Bigbah BigbahSmann® has been at the helm of his software company for 20 years. It’s his job (and also his obsession) to keep tabs on industry trends and lead his management team in implementing new ideas. Like most executives, Bigbah is always focused on the bottom line — how to produce a superior product in the least amount of time possible.

Bigbah controls the purse strings at his company and has the ultimate say-so regarding all company initiatives. He is fascinated with the world of Don Draper, and he not-so-secretly channels him during all presentations. He firmly believes that no project is too small for a spreadsheet, preferably one requiring formulas — and if he can include those spreadsheets in a PowerPoint presentation, well, that makes it a really good day.

Bigbah enjoys sailing, SoulCycle, and meditating for at least 20 minutes a day, and he’s perfected the art of green smoothie making. The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People is his bible, and he listens to TED Talks during his morning commute. Ultimately, he’s a people person and wants his employees to think of him as a friend first, then a boss. If you’re ever feeling down, check out Bigbah’s wall of inspiration. Surely he’ll have a poster, quote, or personal story to leave you feeling right as rain.”

Vi Sprezz

Although voted “Most likely to cure a disease,” in high school, Vi Sprezz® found business to be her true calling, and she became a VP by her late 20s. She’s a multi-tasking perfectionist who can juggle a product launch, four kids and their countless activities, and organizing the annual Barkapalooza Dog Walkathon and Silent Auction (to raise funds for the local animal shelter) without breaking a sweat. Her no-nonsense, take-charge approach; black belt in karate; and penchant for red power suits make her a little intimidating (even Bigbah is a little afraid of her, though he’d never admit it), but she somehow manages to handle it all with aplomb and a smile.

Secretly addicted to Red Bull and Trivia Crack, Vi sometimes appears to be feverishly answering emails on her phone when she’s actually answering a geography question or challenging an opponent. Everyone in the office knows she won’t miss an episode of House of Cards, but few are aware that she also owns every episode of Friends on DVD and watches them late at night after she’s finished alphabetizing her spice rack. Fewer still know that she was the undisputed arm wrestling champion of her sorority and she once won a break dance contest. Vi’s motto: Sleep is for suckers.

Manny Jurr

Manny Jurr® Mannyis in charge of a team of 10 software developers and believes that he might actually be the first person to master the art of herding cats. He knows his application works perfectly. He also knows that no one wants a green screen anymore, and his team must revamp its UI so it looks like the coolest thing on the market. The pressure is on to get it done, but Manny isn’t worried — after all, he can vanquish a dragon with his bare hands. Oh wait, that was a dream; dragons don’t exist. But if they did, Manny feels certain he could vanquish one.

Manny is the first person in the office each day and the last to leave. He makes frequent references to working out at his “club,” but his primary form of exercise is trying to beat his previous score at Dance Dance Revolution in his basement. Ever since Manny quit smoking 12 years ago, he’s been hooked on Diet Mountain Dew. He spends his weekends traipsing through garage sales, hoping to stumble across early edition Captain America comic books in mint condition. A self-proclaimed pizza addict, Manny has Mama Leona’s Italian Palace on speed dial.

Mark Etting

Mark Etting® hails from the marketing department. Although he has no technical skills per se, he’s in charge of paring down volumes of techie jargon into catchy bits that sell software. He Googles. A lot. Mark prides himself on never forgetting a name (thank you, mnemonics), and his favorite phrases are “win-win,” “core competency,” and “low-hanging fruit.”

In his free time, Mark enjoys working on his signature “my-hair-looks-like-I-just-got-out-of-bed-but-I-really-spent-an-hour-doing-it look” and wishes he would get invited to one of those “land” parties the techies are always talking about. Spray tanned and wearing his trademark shades, Mark can often be found at the local karaoke club, belting out “Don’t Stop Believin’” and “Born to Be Wild,” which never fail to impress the ladies. He shops at Whole Foods and makes small talk with sushi chefs in Japanese. A long-time GQ subscriber, Mark discovered CrossFit a few years ago in an article on men’s fitness fads, and he’s been feeling the burn ever since.

Connie Sultant

Whip smart and well-liked, Connie Sultant® racks up the frequent flier miles by spending two-thirds of the year on the road, visiting customers and making their lives better, one application at a time. She relishes a good challenge and takes pride in always owning the latest gadgets, which she researches thoroughly before she buys.

Connie’s loyal companion when she’s home is a royal blue betta fish named Alpha. She’d take Alpha on the road with her if it weren’t for the 3-oz. liquid restriction. Instead when she’s traveling, she spends her free time speed walking (tracking her steps on her Apple Watch) and seeking out new additions to her Hard Rock Café shot glass collection. A British expat, she loves to sing along to the Spice Girls and cheer for Arsenal Football Club, and she enjoys a good spot of tea. All of her training materials are in colour.

On her last birthday, 571 friends wished Connie a happy birthday on Facebook and an additional 93 “Liked” it. Her Instagram photos are renowned for their composition and creativity. Whether it’s roasting her own spices, changing her own oil, or migrating a UI to .NET, Connie gets the job done right.